So I've reached that point in my life...where I would like to have SOMEONE interested in me. The old Asian man in Vodka Revs does not count, neither does 'Andrew' who sent me a video on WhatsApp of a pornographic Harlem Shake (no joke, I still have the evidence) after I met him in a club in Piccadilly.
I decided it was time to go on a dating website. I haven't been on many dates, so I thought it could be fun, apart from I don't think I have the balls to actually meet these people..I joined the free one, well because, paying for dates is a bit like prostitution..and I also really dislike the idea of a figure leaving my bank every month. My friend had joined the same website before Christmas and is all loved up with this new man. He also took her to Harrods for lunch...just saying...
So basically, my internet dating life went live last night. I've been talking to two guys, one of which looks like a hottie in his pictures. It has to be the most shallow website ever, I've already vetoed the following:
-Women
-Women that think they are men
-Men that think they are women
-Men that take pictures of themselves with their tops off
-Men that pout
-Men that have one hand in their boxers
-Men that have usernames such as 'il_make_u_cum_bbz' etc...
-An excessive amount of grammatical errors. A little unfair I admit, therefore there is some leeway..
-Men with thin, gorgeous blondes with them in their picture (that really won't sell)
-Men, and women for that matter, that feel the need to tell me their fetishes in the first message they send (did you know spanking was back in?)
However, since being a 24 hour internet dater, I have learnt from my own mistakes...
-Men do not like it when girls describe a tropical disease they picked up.
Yup.
I did.
"Oh, I see from your pictures you went to Thailand- Did you go to the Full Moon Party?"
This is the point where I should have replied a simple: "Yes, it was very enjoyable"
However, I felt the need to tell him how I slipped in the sea and cut my foot. I then went on to describe that I spent the next day in a wheelchair in Bangkok Airport. Put it this way, I definitely used the words 'disgusting', 'flesh eating' and 'crusty'.
No reply after instant messaging.
Hey ho...it can only make your stronger!
